Public Service Announcement
Welcome back Edgeheads. Its been a few days since our last entry, but SJX and I are doing fine following our recent incarceration for getting drunk and spilling bubble potion all over a police officer. It was a really disappointing incident, but hey at least we aren’t OJ Simpson? 15 years plus in the slammer for Orenthal. Man, that poor bastard never seems to catch a break. Even Plaxico Burress is like “Thank God I’m not that guy!” But, I don’t feel like talking about OJ right now. We’ve wasted our time talking about him for the last 15 years. Plus, its not like he is going anywhere in the next nine to thirty years, so we can always revisit that topic somewhere else down the line.
Whenever I talk to my friends (or enemies) they are always shocked by two things.
1)- That SJX and I were able to actually co-exist and create a mediocre blog together.
2) One of my three favorite shows on all of television is Celebrity Rehab.
Dr. Drew uses a group setting to tell his washed out celebrity patients how much they really suck
There I said it. I can’t help myself. There has been many a night at 3AM when I can’t sleep, I turn on the TV and get transfixed with a CR episode on VH1. Watching a crazed Gary Busey get into a fistfight with a crippled Jeff Conaway over the right to sit in the front seat of the group van is just fascinating to me. The last two seasons of Celebrity Rehab have been a who’s who of “Oh my God, he/she is still alive?” Gary Busey, Jeff Conaway, Rodney King, Chyna, Steven Adler from Guns and Roses, former UFC champ Ricco Rodriguez, Daniel Baldwin, Taweny Kitaean, are you kidding me? Its a cornucopia of human trash that requires an acquired taste to appreciate.
Dr. Drew Pinsky the host/ lead doctor on the show gives off this funny vibe of absolutely hating the douchebag celebs he has to counsel and work with but you can always tell in the back of his mind that he must be getting paid pretty handsomely to put up with all the bullshit. In between sessions where he tells Amber Smith how she will probably die, he at least finds time to work out, because the good doctor works a pair of Ultimate Warrior like pythons for arms.
Dr. Drew stressing to Jeff Conaway the need for him to run in front of a train
One of my favorite elements of the show is the complete trainwreck that is Jeff Conaway in 2008. Apparently the moment Taxi ended Conaway dove into a small hill of cocaine and hasn’t emerged since then. He also got in some sort of car crash a few years back that resulted in severe back problems. So not only does he have a huge addiction to coke, he has also started taking prescription painkillers and other opiates by the bucket-full ever since. To top it all off for Conaway he is dating an abusive, depressed goth looking woman named Vicky who has an addiction to drugs second only to Jeff’s. Every time they are on screen together the scene seems to end with Vicky kicking and punching Jeff pleading for him to quit the program so they can go home and do drugs together. Their relationship has all sorts of reverse Benoit potential. It will be curious to see where that relationship heads in teh next few years. I have no doubt in my mind that Jeff Conaway will become the first “star” to appear on all three seasons of the show. So far he is 2 for 2 and doesn’t seem to be getting any less crazy.
Jeff Conaway aside, the person that keeps me coming back again and again to CR is the now completely insane Gary Busey. Gary Busey is a legitimate nut. I know someone who worked on his short lived Comedy Central Show Get Busey and he swears that Busey is as big a whack job off screen as he is on. The producers were able to rope Busey into appearing on the show by telling him that instead of being treated as a patient like the other stars he would instead be a counselor in the program working along side the trained medical professionals helping the others rid themselves of their demons. That was probably the case until Busey showed looking like he has been living in a trashcan for the past decade acting as mentally unstable as he was playing Commander Krill in Under Siege. Back in the late 80s Gary Busey was the same level star as other Outsders Edge favorites Steven Seagal and Jean Claude Van Damme. Apparently in 1988 he was in a motorcycle accident that resulted in severe head damage making him the Mike Tyson crazy Gary Busey that we all know and love today. The strange thing about Busey on Celebrity Rehab is that he claims to have not touched drugs or alcohol in thirteen years. Despite this he is still the craziest MFer on the whole show.
Gary Busey reaffirms how big a lunatic he is for all the cameras
A few weeks back my buddy Michael Dell, the host of the LCS Hockey show and the proprieter of my favorite hockey website www.lcshockey.com alerted me to the fact that in 2005 Gary Busey starred as a homicidal ginger bread cookie in the movie Gingerdead Man. I kid you not. Usually I try and come up with pithy jokes about the things I write about, but sometimes its best to let videos starring our subjects do the talking for themselves. So ladies and gentlemen, in honor of the hoilday season I am pleased to present to you the final minute and a half of the movie Gingerdead Man. If you don’t find yourself rolling on the floor in tears at the end of this minute and a half video, I personally guarantee that SJX will come to your house and wash your car. So without further ado, the ending of the Gary Busey classic The Gingerdead Man.
Thats right folks. Now you see why I love Gary Busey and in turn the show Celebrity Rehab? Because it creates an excuse to drop references like Gingerdead Man into casual conversations with your friends. So my advice to all of you is to watch Celebrity Rehab as much as you possibly can so that the crazed celebrities that you see on screen can serve as an example of what can happen if you indulge yourselves in too much drugs and booze. Next time you’re about to snort a line off a hooker’s chest, just think of this image:
lordelevation
globalcorrespondent
very creapy
bob said this on April 28, 2009 at 10:44 am