We all can change!
Alright welcome back to the Edge everybody. That was quite the weekend of NFL action. I’d like to thank 56 year old Jeff Garcia and Cadillac Williams, who I thought was dead for coming out of nowhere and causing me to lose a 30 point fantasy football lead. Now I have to play a 14-0 team in the first round of the playoffs. But I’ll stop talking about fantasy football. Perhaps the single most self indulgent thing to talk to other people about. Honestly, I do it all the time to people, but especially if you’re not in the league, has there ever been a single time where you were the least bit interested in what someones fantasy roster is? Its like when SJX regales me with tails of his sexual conquests in the men’s dressing room at his local Wal Mart. Sometimes its best to just keep things in house.
If there was an annoying self indulgence scale for conversations people other then yourself really don’t give a shit about, it would probably go like this:
1- Talking about your kids. I hate to say it, but unless you had a hand in the childs procreation, nobody really gives a damn about what grade your kid is in, what your kids reading level is, how is rec baseball team is doing. I just don’t care The only thing this conversation does is make me want to do is chase them in my car.
2- Fantasy football
3- Shot by shot descriptions of people’s golf rounds. Again, I don’t care how you played the 415 yard dog leg par 4 at a golf course I have never been to. Unless you hit a BMW like I did one time or a hole in one, not much caring going on at all. Actually, if you did play a round and happened to take a nude picture of Paula Creamer, please pass it along to SJX and I for further obserbation. (We’re still thinking about you Google search guy)
4- Your take on how the BCS should be fixed in college football. The current agreement with ESPN doesn’t end until 2014. In the meantime I don’t give much of a damn on your super secret salacious suggestion to create a 58 team playoff with a system of byes that will solve all of college football’s ills. That sounds create buddy, but neither you, nor I, nor Obama, nor the Pope, nor Vince McMahon, nor the Gingerdead man have any say in the matter. If you want to fix the system go become President of a major D1 school. Until then your idea is about as valuable as an unloaded pistol, which I want to load and stick in my face after ten minutes of talking about how USC vs. TCU in the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl will really save college football.
5-People’s experiences at live sporting events I wasn’t at. Is there anything more arrogant when a friend or enemy goes on and on about how amazing it was to experience a football or baseball game in person without you. Why don’t you just tell me what sex was like with your really hot wife? All it does is serve to make people jealous and make the teller of the story seem like a spoiled ass.
Alright. Well I’m glad we made it through that tangent.
Time for the real focus of this entry.
Click here to set the mood with some great Rocky music
A few weeks one of my favorite sports personalities and podcasters Dave Dameshek (www.http://stations.espn.go.com/stations/710espn/show?showId=damshow) bandied around a querry regarding the Rocky series that I had sent him. I asked Dave how would you rank Rocky’s four major opponents Apollo Creed, Clubber Lang, Ivan Drago, and Mason Dixon. (We will not acknowledge that R 5 ever took place. Never speak of it again.)
Its a pretty damn hard question, especially separating the first three. Creed, Drago, and Lang all have legitamite claims to the top spot. So I had to retire to the Elevation Think Tank Foundation for a few days to organize my thoughts and come up with who I thought was the best.
Rocky and Paulie trying to come up with their opponent power ranking as well
So without further ado I am proud to present Lord El’ s Rocky Opponent Power Poll
Rocky reminding Mason that he is 60 years old
#4 Mason “The Line” Dixon
Fought Rocky in: Rocky Balboa
Record Against Rocky 1-0
Mason Dixon just had to be last on the list. Yes, he was gritty and showed heart by fighting through his hurt hand, but lets be serious. He was the current heavy weight champion of the world, yet couldn’t knock out a 60 year old man in his first fight in 20 years? What the hell is that? Also, he really showed terrible judgment in demanding the fight take place. His whole reason for fighting Rocky was because he lost to him in a video game simulation run on ESPN. Thats it? The sole reason you want to fight a 60 year old man is because you lost in a video game? That would be like 2007 New England Patriots demanding to play a game against the ’72 Dolphins even though all their players are 70 years old. Come on Dixon, you’re better then that. Get a little common sense and some advisers to talk a little sense into you.
#3 Apollo Creed
Fought Rocky in: Rocky 1, Rocky 2, unofficially in Rocky 3
Record against Rocky: 1-1
Probably the decision to put Apollo third will stir up the most argument about anything on this list. Rocky and Apollo went the distance together twice. In 1 Creed won by decision and in 2 Rocky was able to get back to his feet at the end of three minute 10 count that should have only gone ten seconds. The Count of Montephisto was Rocky’s equal in the ring, but he was never able to just knock him out and seal the deal without having to turn to the judges. Questions arise throughout the Rocky series about Apollo’s heart and work ethic after he fails to train seriously before the first matchup with Balboa and before his fateful fight against Ivan Drago in Rocky 4. Damn it Creed if you had just shown a little damn discipline you would have won by KO in Rocky1 and wouldn’t have been murdered in the ring by Ivan Drago. The weird part is, you were able to train up Rocky to face Clubber in 3. Why couldn’t you do that for yourself brother?That way Rocky would have had to hold your head in his arms in a pool of your own blood for five minutes without any apparent medical personnel being ten miles within the area following your murder/loss against Drago
Why?
Why?
Appolo not living against Ivan Drago
Why? (Wipes, tears and moves on to 2)
Rocky and Clubber exchange pleasentries before their fight
#2 Clubber Lang
Fought Rocky in Rocky 3
Record Against Rocky: 1-1
Clubber Lang was a bad motherfucker. No two ways about that. He provided Rocky with the single biggest beat down of his entire career. He not only figuratively murdered Rocky in his first fight he contributed to the death of Mick by shoving him against the tunnel wall, which somehow led to Mick having a heart attack. It was probably more of a heart disease issue with Mick, but it only added to Clubber’s reputation. Also you just know Adrian wanted to get in the sack with him when he called out Rocky’s manhood prior to their first fight. I believe Clubber would have won the second fight as well, if he had a better game plan and a more realistic sense of where his cardio level was at. However, Rocky was on a mission and Lang became merely a footnote in history. Lang did have two victories in his life. One- He probably nailed somewhere betweeen 8 and 10,000 women while at his peak level in fame. Second- He provided us with one of the great locker room sound bytes of all time:
#1 Ivan Drago
Fought Rocky in: Rocky IV
Record against Rocky: 0-1
Ivan Drago was a genetic freak. His ability to digset copious amounts of performance enhancing drugs was unmatched. I know he didn’t beat Rocky, but Balboa was a man possessed that night in the ring in Moscow. He was there to avenge the death of his dear friend Apollo, who Ivan Drago literally murdered in the ring earlier in the movie. Thats what shoots him to the top of this poll. He killed a guy in the ring. Rocky never killed a guy, Manny Pacquiao never killed a guy, Mike Tyson never well I’m not sure, but you get the point. Besides Drago had a huge disadvantage by having to fight in front of the biggest bandwagon crowd in sports history. Lets set the scene, its the middle of the Cold War in Moscow Russia. The Soviet fighter is facing Rocky Balboa, yet Drago starts taking damage at the end of the fight and the crowd turns on him and starts cheering for Balboa! What sort of bullshit is that? It would be like Big Papi getting a standing ovation during a playoff game at Yankee Stadium, or OJ Simpson getting a standing O while addressing a National Organization of Women convention. Some things just aren’t meant to be. Shame on you fair weatcher Moscow crowd for not standing by your man! The man was injected by a wheel barrell full of steroids on behalf of you, and you can’t even show a little class?
Well there it is folks. The power list of Rocky opponents. If you have any disagreements leave a comment or three and offer your suggestions.
Again, there will be no mentions of Rocky 5.
lordelevation
globalcorrespondent
DCvYC8 Thanks for good post
johnny said this on December 29, 2008 at 7:36 pm