UFC Champion of the UFC
Welcome back to the Edge readers. I hope your holiday shopping experience has been a good one. Since I know thousands of you have been asking, SJX and I have bulging Christmas wish lists and really look forward to receiving all of your gifts in the mail. We give our best effort to mildly entertain you and I think you should reciprocate our relationship with a little gift giving. Pry open your wallets and help some brothers out.
To help you SJX and I put together out Christmas lists and highlighted a few items you all can get for us:
SJX:
1- A sturdy pair of ass-less chaps. Too many times through the dryer totally killed his last pair.
2- Free Bon Jovi tickets. Or Jon Bon Jovi’s license plate number and home address, so he can go “hang out” around JBJ’s house.
Jon Bon Jovi tells SJX to Keep the Faith
3- Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2009. He wants to design Paula Creamer in “Create a Player” mode, so he can go play a(round) with her.
Elevation’s List
1- A new football
2-MLB 2K8 Video Game, so he can sign Manny Ramirez and Mark Texiera to any team he wants because he is sick of waiting for them to make up their damned minds. Tex is signing with the Angels or the Red Sox. Quit crying Oriole and Nat fans. Boras clients never sign with bad teams who offer less money.
3- Books.
So there you have it folks. Clearly SJX’s list is more feasible to ascertain then mine.
Today’s blog entry covers a love of mine that I haven’t really touched on too much here on the Outsiders’ Edge. One of my favorite sports to follow is mixed martial arts. The best MMA promotion by miles and miles is the UFC. Many of their athletes just aren’t human. Most UFC rankings are categorized by weight class. We don’t do that at the Outsiders Edge. I prefer hypothetical rankings, lists, and competitions that are totally subjective and can’t be determined by stats. (Translation: Expect Elevation to wax on about absolute concepts like grit, heart, determination, and moxie) With this theme in mind I am proud to present to you the viewing public a power ranking of champions in the UFC. Basically, of the six champs currently in the UFC lets find out who the best is.
Do you want to be the person who tells Brock Lesnar his chest tattoo looks oddly phallic?
6) Brock Lesnar
Current UFC Heavy Weight Champion
Look I have been a huge Vanilla Gorilla fan since his days in the WWE. He is a physical freak whose improvement over his first UFC three fights has been amazing. However, there in lies the problem. Brock only has four professional fights to his record. Some of the others guys on this list have had 4 title defenses in their careers. I have no doubt that if we re-visit this list in a year or two, assuming we don’t get sued by Paula Creamer in the mean time, that Lesnar will have a higher ranking. Besides I doubt Brock is really too mad at us. My God, the man has money, fame, and freaking SABLE to knock boots with at night, so I think he is doing OK. My only problem with Brock is that I’m pretty sure Paul Heyman hit Randy Couture with a steel chair in the octagon when nobody was looking. Because thats what it sure looked like. Either that of Couture got smacked flush in the face with one of Brock’s garbage scan size hands. His next opponent, Mir or Big Nog better be on the lookout for interference from the Rock. Lesnar and Rocky still have a score to settle, so don’t be surprised if one of the other competitors gets caught up in the fray and winds up having to take a right on Know Your Role Boulevard before checking into the Smackdown hotel. I’m just sayin’.
Forrest Griffin shows off his amazing ability to bleed every single match without having the blood ever go in his eye.
5) Forrest Griffin
Current UFC Light Heavyweight Champion
Who doesn’t Forrest Griffin? His fight against Stephen Bonnar on the season finale of the first Ultimate Fighter is widely regarded as the fight that put MMA on the map and catapulted the UFC into the immense popularity the promotion enjoys today. Forrest is like the real life Rey Mysterio. They both have immense heart, determination, and have became popular by exploiting Eddie Guerrero’s death to make millions of dollars. Wait, I don’t think one of those is true, but you get my point. Their only difference is that the UFC isn’t scripted and Forrest isn’t a five foot Mexican with a steroid problem. However Griffin’s great attribute is that the man knows how to take a licking, not in the Arn Anderson cat bath sense, and can survive massive amounts of punishment without getting knocked out. The thing that makes Forrest unique from the rest of the guys on this list is that Griffin isn’t very menacing. He seems like the type of dude you can share a bottle of Jack with on Sundays as you watch the Eagles kick the Redskins asses this weekend. He is the guy in this power ranking least likely to make you wake up in a cold sweat at night dreaming of getting ferociously punched in the face by.
BJ Penn to demonstrates to Sean Sherk his technique for punching out police officers
4) BJ Penn
Current UFC Lightweight Champion
BJ Penn will fight any man, anywhere, at any weight class. From Lightweight to Heavyweight to police officer outside a nightclub weight. The Prodigy is a complete nut, who is undoubtedly the baddest man to ever come from Hawaii this side of Don Ho. Penn has kicked ass in all sorts of weight divisions. From Shawn Sherk at lightweight to Matt Hughes at welterweight to Rodrgio Grace at middleweight. In the past his cardio and conditioning hasn’t been all that great, but currently he is just destroying people. His superfight against GSP for the welterweight belt will be a classic. The aforementioned nightmares I talked about in Forrest’s entry was in reference to the time BJ cut open Joe Stevenson’s head before beating him was one of the sickest things I have ever seen in MMA. Hannibal Lecter would have had to go on Weight Watchers after enjoying all of that plasma. It was sick, but Penn was able to concentrate despite Stevenson’s Terry Funk like “crimson mask” and secure the W.
Antonio Nogueira (with the band aid) plays mind games by wearing the exact same clothes at his brother who is also named Antonio Nogueira
3) Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira
Current UFC Interim Heavyweight Champion
Assuming he defeats Frank Mir on December 27th, Antonio Nogueria is the pain train that Brock Lesnar will have to take a ride on in a heavyweight unification fight sometime next Spring. Big Nog holds the interim belt that was created when Randy Couture was on hiatus from the company, wasting a year of his life trying to fight Fedor Emelianko. Big Nog is the second best heavyweight fighter in the world. Between his days in PRIDE and the UFC, Nog has a long list of giants that he has slayed. Everyone from the likes of Heath Herring, Josh Barnett, Tim Syliva, Cro Cop, Bob Sapp, and Dan Henderson have had the pleasure of losing to Nogueira. He is one of the greatest submission artists in the world. I could easily see him tying up Lesnar in some sort of armbar or traingle choke and making the Big Minnesotan tap out. Also, Antonio Nogueira may be my most favorite fighter in the world for the sher fact that he is unbeatable in the video game Fire Pro Wrestling. Between his submissions and this lethal kick to the face move he has, I have had the distinct pleasure of guiding Nog to victories over the likes of Andre the Giant, Scott Hall, Rampage Jackson, Ken Shamrock, and Bret Hart. The man is an electornic multisport ass kicking machine.
Dana White reattaches the strap that GSP wears more then most buisness people wear their leather belts.
2) George St. Pierre
Current UFC Welterweight champion
GSP is the best Canadian athlete in the world today. No offense to Sidney Crosby, Erik Bedard, and Jim Neidhart, but GSP takes all of them. He is an athletic freak who celebrates his victories by either doing back flips or break dancing in the ring. I couldn’t break dance after sleeping for 18 hours, let alone after beating up Matt Serra or Matt Hughes in a mixed martial arts match. He has a record of 11-2 in the UFC and absolutely demolished his two losses to Serra and Hughes in rematches. He has completel dominated the 175 pound division so badly that Dana White had to reach outside the welterweights and call up BJ Penn from the lightweight division to find GSP a suitable challenger. Adding to his popularity and mystique is how GSP wears Ralph Macciao-like ninja warm up garb to the octagon every fight. He is the best wrestler and ground technician the promotion has, despite never receiving any formal wrestling training. Imagine being able to hit Mariano Rivera cut fastballs without ever playing baseball in the minors, college, or little league. His ability to evolove and be a step above his competition is uncanny. The only improvements that can be made to GSP’s name are with his nickname and his voice. I know he is French-Canadian, but “Rush” is a horrible nickname for anybody except Rush Limbaugh. George Rush St. Pierre just doesn’t roll off the tongue. GSP also kind of sounds like a girl when he talks. He can easily break me in half, but he would be so much more menacing with the Sinister Minister cutting promos for him.
Anderson Silva, the Michael Jordan of kicking ass
1) Anderson Silva
Current UFC Middleweight champion.
Quite frankly Anderson Silva is the Michael Jordan of mixed martial arts. I have no doubt in my mind that Anderson Silva could beat 50% of the fighters in the UFC with one hand tied behind his back, if Dana White let him. Silva is 8-0 with the UFC and that streak won’t be ending anytime soon. He has actually grown bored with the 185 pound weight class from kicking everybody’s ass so badly, that he actually spent the first two rounds of his last fight against Patrick Cote literally playing grabass with the man and completely hamming it up for the crowd. He recently made his first fight at light heavyweight in an effort to find some reall opponents for the Spider to face. There has been talk of putting some mega deals together against the likes of Chuck Liddell, but that would likely just leave the Ice Man melted. The man tried to challenge Roy Jones Jr. in a boxing match just for the hell of it, before Dana White stepped in and vetoed that idea. It would be like Tiger Woods deciding to become a part time shooting guard for the New York Knicks just because he wanted to. Words really can’t descrive how talented Silva is, so I’ll let video do it. As this Youtube clip suggests the Spider would even make a world class Kung Fu fighter if he wanted to be one.
It night be hard to organize, but I’ve decided to incorporate some of my previous ideas and put together a fighting event between UFC champ of champs Anderson Silva and Kung Fu movie legend Steven Seagal. They would be escorted to the rign by the Sinster Minister and a nude Paula Creamer, with Jon Bon Jovi singing the national anthem and Jim Ross and Clyde Dempsey calling the match ringside. Sounds like a plan to me!
Alright Edgeheads thanks for stopping by in the middle of this busy holiday season. You can look forward to more entries over the next few days from SJX and myself. The X Man is working on a, hopefully humorous, piece about Annika Sorenstam. If nothing else it will probably drive up Google traffic. Also, I have designs on doing a entry ranking the best factions in pro wrstling history, so keep checking back people and let the Outsiders Edge continue to mildy entertian you.
lordelevation
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