The Outsiders' Edge

Welcome back my lovely little chocolates. I’d love to put you all in a box and take you home with me, but I’m afraid that isn’t a feasible option.

Big things happening at the Edge lately. I hope you are enjoying the work of our global correspondents. I expect some entries this week from New York, Washington, and a few other places, so keep checking in.

Last Saturday featured the wonderful UFC fight between Randy Couture and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. Couture who is 46 and Nogueira who is 33, but looks like he is 96 fought an outstanding battle that eventually resulted in a decision victory for Nogueira. Despite picking up the loss, Randy fought brilliantly for a 46-year-old. He was able to survive two submission attempts from Big Nog that would have felled a lesser man. Couture’s doggedness and fighting spirit got me to thinking about some of the other top athletes in different sporting venues who are still near the top of their game despite entering the athletic graveyard of being in their 40s.

Without further interruption, I’m pleased to introduce the 5 best old men athletes in sports today.

Jamie Moyer shows off his deadly arm by unleashing a 68 mile per hour fastball on an unwitting opponent

#5- Jamie Moyer. Age 46.

Jamie Moyer has been winning games and annoying opposing batters for 23 years. Moyer was Captain Clutch last year for my worlds champion Phils. Despite garnering a no decision, Moyer pitched an outstanding game 3 in the World Series last year and made one of the best defensive plays I have ever seen a pitcher make. Unfortunately, the horrid umpire completely botched the call and called the runner safe, making Moyer’s amazing dine and flip to Ryan Howard pretty much worthless. However the Phillies won the World Series largely due to the warrior-like efforts of their 45-year-old war house. Maybe rewarding a 45 year old with a two year guaranteed contract wasn’t the greatest business decision in the history of baseball, but at least he gets to end his career with the Phillies and not with a horse shit minor league franchise like the Orioles. Moyer got off to a rough start in 2009, but has done a fantastic job as the long relief man in the bullpen since being replaced in the rotation by Pedro. Perhaps the main reason Moyer will never retire is the fact he has 7 kids and his father in law is the insufferable ESPN basketball analyst Digger Phelps. I’d try to stay the hell away from where I live if I had to deal with that clan every day.

Vijay with the love of his life- his driver.

#4- Vijay Singh. Age 46.

Yes, I have a god-damned golfer on the list. This isn’t some sort of quasi tribute to SJX, I really do feel that Vijay deserves props for being one of the top guys on the PGA tour year after year after year. Sure he hates his family, is a bit of an asshole, cheated on an Asian tour event, and can’t make a putt from under five feet, but Vij has found the secret to longevity through a combination of gruesome amounts of practice and a fear of failure. Since turning 40 in 2003, Vijay has won 21 PGA tournaments, 1 major, 2 European PGA tournaments, an Asian Tour event, and competed on three Presidents Cup teams. Maybe the modern golfer has gotten worse (for example YE YANG winning a freaking major) but Vijay Singh has found the fountain of youth and consistently carved out a spot for himself among the sport’s best. I’m sure when he turns 50 Vijay will somehow find a way to compete at every single PGA and Senior event simultaneously, almost like how the Chelseas and Real Madrids compete in their domestic leagues and the Champions league at the same time.

Quick soccer note- how the hell is Argentina in danger of not making the World Cup? All Diego Maradona had to do was fill out a starting lineup and sit back and indulge in narcotics. they may be able to sneak into the World Cup through the playoff, but I guarantee that even if Argentina does make it to South Africa Maradona will be out as manager. Is there any chance Messi can move to Provo, Utah? I do hope the Argentines make the World Cup, I do enjoy looking at their kits. You can’t mess up a baby blue uniform.

I'm just a sexy middle aged maaaan.

#3 Shawn Michaels. Age 44.

Really, was there any chance Shawn Michaels would not make a great middle aged athletes list? Dipping into the pro wrestlers as actual professional athletes is one of the endearing gimmicks of my posts. Kind of like Cowboy Bob Orton’s cast. Or Moppy. Damn it I miss Moppy. Anyway, since returning from a career ending back injury in 2002, Shawn Michaels has been the top performer in all of wrestling. All of his major feuds have been fantastic. He also steps up his game at the biggest moments. His Mania matches with Kurt Angle, Ric Flair, and the Undertaker will be remembered for years to come. When they aren’t Chris Benoiting young talent Shawn and HHH’s DX runs do usually include a bit of fun comedy. HBK has an amazing ability to take some of the worst written WWE creative shit and turn it into a gut busting good time. Turning some of the WWE’s comedy into actual laughs is an achievement on par with when he pulled that great match out of his ass with Vladimir Kozlov in the “Right to face the Undertaker” match prior to Mania earlier this year.

I suppose the only downside in Shawn’s career was his involvement in the Montreal Screw Job with Bret Hart back in 1997. For more info on Shawn’s role in the infamous Montreal Screwjob and plenty of other subjects surrounding Bret Hart’s career feel free to download and listen to my interview with the Hitman.

Elevation’s shameless plugs: A tradition unlike any other.

Undertaker: The Jose to Kane's Ozzie.

#2- The Undertaker. Age 44.

It was a complete toss up between Shawn Michaels and ‘Taker for the second spot on the excellence in middle aged athletics list. I decided to go with Taker at number 2 because he actually beat HBK at Mania, no other reason. The Undertaker lives a charmed life. He gets to work 6 months out of the year, wear MMA gloves for no particular reason, and practice triangle chokes on Michele McCool every night in their hotel room. How can you beat that? Not to mention the fact that Taker is another one of the great “big match” wrestlers. Whether it is Mania against Batista or Summer Slam with Edge the Undertaker never disappoints when it comes to  putting on a show at the highest stage. The Dead Man keeps himself in top notch physical condition and definitely knows the limits of how far he can stretch things. His dive out of the ring at Mania every year is an annual tradition like the ball dropping on New Year’s eve in Times Square, or Batista tearing one of his arm muscles. With his gimmick, Undertaker will be over forever. At the WWE show I attended in Baltimore, Undertaker received some of the loudest pops of the night when he was shown during the commercial for the Wrestle Mania 25 DVD. Yea for capitalism!

Randy Couture was bruised and battered and he couldnt tell what he felt he was unrecognizable to himself

#1- Randy Couture. Age 46.

What a horrible caption I made there. Who would have ever associated Randy Couture with a mid 90s movie dealing with an AIDS stricken man dealing with homosexual bigotry in the workplace?

Randy has to top this list. At 46 years old he is still able to take and deliver a beating with the best that the UFC has to offer. Despite taking the loss in both, Randy has delivered stellar performances against Brock Lesnar and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. Couture delivered the best performance of any of Brock’s opponents and he was able to survive two deadly submission attempts from Big Nog that would have caused any other man to tap out instantly. How Randy Couture is still this competitive in such a vicious sport is mind boggling. The other night at UFC 102 it was mentioned that he was a state wrestling champion in Oregon back in 1981! That is twelve years before MMA even debuted in America. Part of Randy’s resilience is due to the fact he didn’t get into MMA until the age of 33 following his career as an Olympic quality Greco Roman wrestler. Besides his wrestling background Couture also has boxing experience from his time in the military. The combination of those skills plus superior intelligence and amazing cardio has made Randy Couture MMA’s version of Ric Flair. The other thing that drives Randy to return to the Octagon again and again? Three ex-wives. That will drive any man to want to repeatedly get punched in the head by Brock Lesnar and his tremendously large hands.

I’m also looking forward to Randy’s role in the new movie “The Expendables” next Summer. Sly Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Micky Rourke, Jet Li, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Randy Couture! My God, if there was ever a movie in my wheelhouse that would be it. All it needs is a cameo from Matt Stairs or David Beckham and I would be set for a lifetime.

Sly Stallone's new tatoos were a worse idea than Rocky 5

Honorable Mentions:

Dara Torres looks hot in this picture. She has become a tad jacked up for my tastes at the current moment.

Fred Funk continues to do well on the Senior and Regular PGA tours despite having a body that is literally falling apart.

At age 40, HHH has no plans to start taking part in any silly wellness policy

Brett Favre turns 40 this October. His jeans turn 34.

Alright The Edge. I hope you enjoyed the new list. Big things are happening around here. Enjoy the correspondents and check out my old interviews.

~ by lordelevation on September 8, 2009.

Posted in Uncategorized
Tags: Brett Favre, Dara Torres, Fred Funk, HHH, Jamie Moyer, Randy Couture, Shawn Michaels, Sly Stallone, The Undertaker, Vijay Singh