The Outsiders' Edge

(I’m pleased to welcome along The Masked Correspondent our local correspondent in Washington DC. Mr MC will offer a bit of a sporting background on sports life in the district and spotlights a group of local softball players who are helping lead to an increase in pants sales.)

State of the Nation address:  An Introduction to Professional Sports in Washington D.C.

By The Masked Correspondent

It’s hard to make much sense of such a place as the Greater Washington D.C. Metropolitan area.  D.C. is our Metropolis of diversity that is ruled by strife and division.  It’s a Land where traffic, Bureaucracy and Red Tape hold its citizens at bay while our elected officials attempt to lead the free world into the next millennium.  People come here from far away in attempts to be heard and to rally for a cause.  We are hip and in style as well as non chalant and down to Earth.  We are always in a hurry with never enough time.  There is a constant change of guard as old administrations are voted out and new ones are welcomed in.  It is here where War is declared, Treaties are signed, and bills are passed.  We Protest injustice and March for a Good cause while we strategize to get the upper hand on our neighbor.  Perhaps it is fitting that Washington was built on a swamp, constantly ridden with scandal where people disguise their ego and greed with charitable giving.  There is but one thing that I know of that has ever brought our great city together.  We are reminded by it with cooler air and a slight breeze while our children are headed back to school.  Alas September has finally arrived ushering in with it a frenzy of excitement for our Washington Redskins.

Washington D.C. is and always will be a Football Town first.  Our beloved Redskins are back in action to legitimize our devotion and loyalty as our city stands together hand in hand ready to conquer the NFL….or at least in theory.  It has been 18 long years for the Redskins since our last championship.  Eighteen years filled with heartache and disappointment, missed opportunities and mediocrity.  Despite the unfortunate trend of our exalted franchise there is always hope to revel in and reflect upon.  It’s this hope and excitement that connect the unlikeliest of people turning enemies into allies.  Republican’s and Democrats, Liberals and Conservatives and all different religions come together and unite with a higher purpose ….beating the Dallas Cowboys.

Besides our love for the Redskins and hatred for the Cowboys Native Washingtonians share one other thing in common…our general dislike for our owner Daniel Snyder.  Snyder has built the Washington Redskins franchise into one of the world’s most valuable franchises worth approximately 1.5 billion dollars.  That is Billion with a “B”.  What rubs a lot of Redskins loyalists the wrong way is how the franchise can be so valuable while performing so poorly on the field despite high dollar free agent signings.  Snyder is viewed by many as meddling in affairs he should stay out of.  Many fans view him as a school boy out for revenge for getting picked last everyday during P.E. Class.  Recently acquired footage of a top secret meeting amongst Redskins executives and coaches reveal an inside look at the culture inside the upper echelons of the organization.  In fact many heroes died in the course of attaining this information.

The Redskins aren’t the only sports franchise we have in Washington of course.  Historically however they are the most notorious and successful.  But we can’t ignore the Washington Wizards.  So what exactly do Wizards have to do with Washington?  Absolutely nothing but this is a political town where logic and reason are hard to come by.  Formally known as the Bullets, our professional basketball team succumbed to political correctness coming to the conclusion that having a bullet for a team name promoted gun violence.  As a result it seems the team would rather promote fans casting spells and turning each other into chickens.  Maybe it’s just me but I would rather be shot than be turned into a chicken.  The Wizards at times are a fun team to watch known for generating plenty of offense but possessing the defensive skills of my middle school basketball team.  Our star player Gilbert Arenas enjoys taking entire seasons off at a time leaving behind his teammates to finish last in their division.  However the coming year happens to be one where Arenas is expected to play.  The team also welcomes new head coach Flip Saunders and new additions Mike Miller and Randy Foye acquired in a draft day trade.  As a result there is a buzz about the team this year that we haven’t seen in awhile.  With that in mind realize that the Wizards have always been a mediocre basketball team at best.  Expectations from fans on their success are about as high as the number of playoff victories the Dallas Cowboys have had in the last 10 years (that would be 0).  In other words we will be ecstatic if the Wizards actually win a playoff series.

Out of all of the professional sports teams in our Nations Capital, the one with the most potential to bring a championship home is our Professional Hockey team, the Washington Capitals.  The Caps as we call them have arguably the best player in the world on their roster in Alex Ovechkin.  Ovechkin is the NHL’s reining MVP for the second year in a row and helped the Caps nearly knock off the eventual Stanley Cup Champions.  As the leagues leading goal scorer he is also known for scoring with hot chicks which has inspired ugly men everywhere to start playing hockey.  In fact so fortunate is Ovechkin that if he were ever to suffer a career ending injury he would most definitely have a future as a singer and dancer.  Shown here is Ovechkin’s American Idol audition.  Alex made it through to the final 24 but was kicked off before the show aired on the technicality that he was not an American Citizen.

Washington has had its share of tragedy in the sports realm as of late.  In 1971 D.C. lost its Major League Baseball team the Washington Senators.  Having been irrelevant for years the team eventually was moved to Minnesota in an attempt by the Canadian government to have closer ties to America’s National Pastime.  In 2005 the Canadian government reversed their approach and decided to send their Montreal franchise to Washington and rename them the Nationals.  Their goal of course was to make the team so bad that it would destroy Washington’s morale and sense of self worth forcing our country to adopt the Canadian heath care system and to further influence our nation to eventually accept a full fledged Canadian takeover.  Everything is going according to plan as the Nationals have actually gotten worse every year since they moved to Washington.  As a result the United States of Canada is on schedule to be formed in just five more years.

As tragic as the Washington Nationals have been in D.C. there is just no comparison to the demoralizing loss of our Professional Fast Pitch Softball team known as the Washington Glory.  The Glory were by far our most successful franchise in recent history winning championships in 2007 and being runners up in 2008.  However due to an issue in ownership, the team was eventually dissolved in 2009.  This was a devastating blow to us men in D.C who yearned greatly for high quality Softball.  The Washington Glory filled that great void for us for two years and what a great two years it was.  We came from all over in order to lust…uh mm…I mean see our star players compete such as fan favorites Bianca Cruz seen here:

Bianca Cruz shows off her batting stance.

And Taryne Mowatt seen here:

Washington Glory Pitcher Taryne Mowatt accepts the ESPY Award for winning the Evening Gown Competition.

Not only were the Washington Glory the perfect combination of talent on the field but they were also very family friendly.  The players were up close and personal with fans and always willing to sign autographs.  As a result families became closer all across the D.C. Metropolitan area as fathers became more willing to spend time with daughters by taking them to Glory Softball games.

Elevation was going to post Drew's caption, but had to be physically restrained from making a glory hole joke.

Only in Washington D.C. can we destroy something so impeccable and as close perfection anyone could possibly get. That is the true tragedy of this injustice.  But this is the area we live in and it is part of us whether we like it or not.  To our darling and dearest ladies of the Softball diamond, you will be missed.  And to our Nations Capital and its surrounding Metropolitan area we still have hope that one day our sports teams will return to Glory, but more importantly that the Glory will return to us.

~ by globalcorrespondent on September 8, 2009.

Posted in Uncategorized
Tags: Alexander Ovechkin, Bianca Cruz, Taryne Mowatt, Washington Glory