The Outsiders' Edge

Welcome back to the Outsiders Edge everybody. Our little ramshackle of a sporting and culture website continues to float through the cyberspace as an enchanted oasis in the overwhelming desert of shitty sports media. I hope you all have enjoyed the correspondents reports as well as my radio shows over the past year with such legends as WWWF/WWE Champions Ivan Koloff, Bret the Hitman Hart and more.

Click this picture to read the recap of my interview with wrestling legend Bret Hart.

Monday night featured an absolute dick dance of sporting events on American television. The Carolina Panthers and Dallas Cowboys engaged in an athletic battle that transcended boredom. Jake Delhomme of the Carolina Panthers is an awful professional quarterback. His voice just reeks with dumbness. He speaks like a rape victim of one of the bearded men in Deliverance. Besides sounding like a total hick, Delhomme turns into a total spaz every time he throws one of his numerous interceptions to the other team. Instead of tucking his head down in shame and walking to the sidelines like a normal person, Jake freaks out and starts flailing his body parts all over the place like a druggie who just happened to ingest an entire Fed Ex truck worth of speed. Go sit down you clown. Delhomme has as much chance of leading the Panthers to the Super Bowl as Pope Benedict the 16th does of drinking vodka shots with the alien creature Xenu and joining the Church of Scientology.  Just as an aside, how gullible does one have to be to actually believe in anything Scientology? Scientologists believe that an alien creature named Xenu populated the Earth 75 million years ago as a way of fixing the overcrowding problem besetting the Global Confederation. Riiight. Keep in mind this entire concept was created by L. Ron Hubbard a science fiction writer who was famous with coming up with shit. OK then. Apparently that idea beat out William Shatner’s religion where God was represented by a giant talking dog named Leon who created the Earth as a breeding ground for extra tennis balls.

William Shatner has a look of shock on his face after reading this paragraph.

Ah yes, where was I before I went on that tangent? Put simply Carolina v. Dallas was not a compelling matchup and I am tired as hell of seeing that stupid Cowboys stadium on television. I best finish this story before the Scientologist death squads kill me in the night. If I’m found floating in the Atlantic Ocean, blame Tom Cruise.

The other boring sports event tonight was Monday Night Raw from Albany New York with Rev. Al Sharpton as guest host. Raw is turning into an excruciating wrestling program to watch. The main event scene is stale, and WWE has completely whored their entire two hour show over to their guest hosts and whatever stupid movie or cause they are plugging in exchange for a 30 second mention or article writeup in the almighty main stream media. Vince McMahon would rather get featured in a 15 second clip on Entertainment Tonight than actually sell pay-per views. For example tonight on Raw, WWE did a fantastic job of promoting Al Sharpton’s campaign to end illiteracy among stupid children. However, they did a really shitty job of making their superstars look strong six days before the next  pay-per-view. Vince’s decision to starfuck with minor “celebrities” such as noted race baiter Al Sharpton and D-Level movie star Cedric the Entertainer have left Raw fans fuming over the past few months. I’ll be less critical if this stupid theme is able to wrangle in a few former majors stars like The Rock or Stone Cold back to Raw to entertain us for a night, but so far the only former wrestlers to host Raw so far have been old standbys Dusty Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, Sgt. Slaughter, and a totally nervous Trish Stratus who were pretty entertaining, but lacked the dynamic punch that a star like The Rock or even Bret Hart could bring.

I was beyond shocked to read that The Rock made a live appearance at a minor indy show in Florida promoted by a group called WXW. Rock appeared at the show to support his family friend Afa of Wild Samoans fame who owns and operated WXW. Can you imagine attending an Indy show with maybe 200 other fans, and Dwayne Johnson shows up and makes an in ring appearance. I would have completely pissed myself. Who would have ever thought that The Rock’s first in-ring wrestling appearance in five years would take place at WXW in Florida and not at say Wrestle Mania or the Royal Rumble?

“To the dozens (and dozens) of fans, the Roch has come back to Pensacola, Florida!”

"Dwayne Johnson can make an Indy appearance in my bed at anytime"- SJX

While I’m here, I would also like to do a quick EPL recap and compare my predicted season table with what the real thing is:

Elevation’s Table:

1- Chelsea

2- Man. United

3-Liver Pool

4-Everton

5-Arsenal

6- Man. City

7- Spurs

8-Sunderland

9-Aston Villa

10-West Ham

11-Fulham

12- Stoke

13-Blackburn

14- Bolton

15-Birmingham

16-Wigan

17-Burnley

18-Portsmouth

19-Hull City

20- Wolves

————

Actual EPL Table:

1- Man United

2- Chelsea

3-Liverpool

4-Spurs

5-Man City

6-Arsenal

7-Aston Villa

8- Sunderland

9-Everton

10-Wigan

11-Burnley

12-Stoke

13-Bolton

14-Birmingham

15-Blackburn

16-Wolves

17-Fulham

18-West Ham

19- Hull

20- Portsmouth

I have been doing pretty solid this year. I would say the three glaring exceptions are Everton, West Ham, and Fulham. All three squads have been much worse than I expected this year. I underestimated how much the Lescott situation would mess with Everton. I am pretty accurate with the Top 3. I stil think it will finish as I predicted. In terms of relegation, I have two of the teams correct with Hull and Pompey. I don’t think West Ham will stay that bad. There is still a chance Wolves will fall back. They are strong at forward but not much else. I was right on with my optimistic prediction for Sunderland. Darren Bent has been a fantastic addition for their squad. Arsenal is right where I predicted them to be, although Spurs and Man City have been playing much better than I imagined. So far Redknapp and Mark Hughes are far removed from the sack race.  I can’t say the same for Paul Hart and Phil Brown at Pompey and Hull respectively. I knew Hull would be bad, but I expected Altidore to have more of an impact.

Eight Ball: Darren Bent and Sunderland are right where Elevation said they'd be.

Speaking of Scientology, I think it will be quite interesting to see whether manager Fabio Capello decides to keep David Beckham up or not with the English national team next Summer at the World Cup in South Africa. I expect Becks will make the team due to his world stardom, global ambassadorship, and all that but it will be a gutsy call to keep Beckham on the roster over someone who may be a tad more useful such as Michael Owen, Aaron Lennon, or Shaun Wright Phillips. I’m sure England fans will be suicidal over keeping Beckham on the roster, but I think it would be a good publicity vehicle for the MLS and the LA Galaxy. Having two major international stars in Beckham and Landon Donovan featured in the biggest sports event in the world will only help a league that struggles to beat out softball broadcasts and infomericals in the ratings. I personally enjoy watching MLS games, but I’m the same person who thinks The Undertaker is one of the five best 40 and over athletes on the planet,  so I may not be their primary demographic.

David Beckham prior to a meeting with Fabio Cappelo to discuss his World Cup spot.

Alright folks. Thank you for reading the site. In case I am hacked in the night by Scientologist death squads, continue to support my online radio show and all the correspondents who are filling our minds with wonderful local reports.