The Outsiders' Edge

Many experts and pundits enjoy making all sorts of predictions and wild guesses during the course of a sports season. Very few of them are ever examined for accuracy. We are not like that at the Edge. I have decided to re-post my predictions for 2009 and see how I did.

These predictions all come from this article: http://elevationradio.com/2009/01/03/2009-a-year-in-review/

New Comments in italics.

- On January 4th 2009, long lost Outsiders Edge co-founder SaintJustX  was found on a raft in the Pacific Ocean. Apparently his Oceanic flight from Sydney to Los Angeles crashed following a mysterious disturbance from SJX after his IPod battery went dead while listening to Bon Jovi’s “Its My Life” for the 42nd straight time on a continuous loop. He washed up on a Pacific island, but was soon banned by the Others for thinking that it was an appropriate decision to  hijack the group’s radio equipment so he could rebroadcast their emergency frequency to the tune of Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go”. They decided to just say fuck it and gave SJX a raft and sent him out to sea.

(Fail. I was correct on SJX eventually coming back, but then he completely left the website over the Summer. Not sure about the island part.)

- In October of 2009 Yankee fans around the world revolted when they learned that George Steinbrenner actually died in 2004. After AJ Burnett’s 8th trip to the DL a pissed off  group of Yankee fans break into Yankee headquarters in Tampa in hopes of kidnapping horrible GM Brian Cashman. The plan went awry after the fans found George Steinbrenner’s body sitting in a rocking chair in the basement just like Norman Bates’ mother in Psycho. Apparently Hank killed the old man in a murderous rage after his father discovered Hank’s massive pile of Jennifer Love Hewitt nude pictures hiding under his mattress.

(Not horribly wrong. I saw no evidence in 2009 to indicate that George Steinbrenner is actually still alive. He very well could have been murdered by Hank in a jealous rage over JLH pictures. I was dead wrong on the AJ/Cashman part. I thought for sure Burnett would have a disappointing, injury riddled 2009. There is still hope for 2010.)

Stay healthy in 2010 AJ, I dare you.

- In March of 2009 Super Bowl winning quarterback Donovan McNabb signed a five year extension after leading Elevation’s beloved Eagles to their much desired first Super Bowl. Their epic victory over the Ravens will continue to live on in Philadelphia lore for decades to come.

(Very wrong. The Eagles and Ravens both made the league championship finals, but lost in heartbreaking manners. No McNabb extension yet, but with Reid signing a 5 yr. deal, Donovan is sure to follow.)

Donovan puts Elevation into an enchantment.

- In April of 2009 UFC Heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar is stripped of his title after Brock hires the Sandman to hit his opponent Frank Mir in the knee with a kendo stick. Nancy Kerrigan is seen seated at ring side at their eventual rematch in October.

(No.)

- In September of 2009 the New York tabloids went crazy when Yankee superstar and noted male gigalow Alex Rodriguez left his girlfriend Madonna. In October the same tabloids went even crazier when A Rod was seen walking out of Bea Arthur’s apartment following a secret one night stand.

(This one didn’t stand a chance because Bea Arthur was dead before the fall. If she had lived, I wouldn’t have counted it out. A-Rod did dump Madonna for  Kate Hudson though. But then he dumped Kate Hudson.)

- On January 1, 2010 the UFC champions are:

Lightweight: Kenny Florian

Welterweight: GSP

Middleweight: Anderson Silva

Light Heavyweight: Lyoto Machida

Heavyweight: Brock Lesnar

(This was one of my best predictions. GSP, Silva, Machida, and Lesnar all still have their titles. I was just a little bit off on Kenny Florian though. Ken-Flo gave Penn a great run for his money, but was choked out by Penn in the 4th round of their fight in Philadelphia back in August. So close. Silva and GSP are definitely not dropping their titles anytime soon.)

On January 1, 2010 the major WWE champions are:

ECW- Jack Swagger

Raw- Batista

Smackdown- Mr. Kennedy

Batista is the current Raw champion, but he did bang his 750th WWE diva on Thursday night.

In November of 2009 Tito Ortiz made his triumphant return to the UFC after a year and a half of verbal wars and grab ass with UFC president Dana White. Fresh off of 18 months of banging Jenna Jameson and rehabbing from back surgery, a hungry Tito knocked out Keith Jardine in a second round knockout in a major UFC upset. The win sets up Tito for a title shot against Lyoto Machida sometime in 2010.

(This prediction was actually my biggest success. Tito did indeed make his return to the UFC in November of 2009. However, instead of KOing Keith Jardine he lost a very close decision to Forrest Griffin at UFC 106 in Las Vegas. His next fight will be sometime in the Summer against Chuck Liddell in a re-match NOBODY wants to see. Give me props for randomly getting Tito’s return month correct 11 months ahead of time. I was also right for saying Machida would be champion by then.)

Tito and his giant head are indeed back in the House.

In October of 2009 the Phillies repeat as World Series champions. The combination of the Phillies 2008 World Series, the Eagles 2009 Super Bowl and the Philles 2009 World Series causes all of the pent up sports frustration and rage to magically be banished from the city, like when Morodor was destroyed following the destruction of the One Ring in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

(Not quite. 0 for 2 on the titles. However, both teams advanced very deep into the playoffs. The Eagles made it to the NFC title game, and the Phillies made it all the way to game 6 of the World Series before being vanquished by the Yankees. Both teams gave it a good run and almost made me look smart.)
Well thats it for 2009. We will be back in a day or two with my predictions for 2010. Expect all sorts of hilarity. Happy New Year!