The Outsiders' Edge

Thats right everybody. The Outsiders Edge is BAAAAAAAAACK in the Saddle again. Screw the correspondents. They all apparently jumped off a cliff and died. SJX is still practicing his Ric Flair like fake retirement, so the OE is a solo venture for now. Lets be honest, you all loved me more than all of the others anyway.

Welcome back dear friends. It has been far too long and I have missed each and every one of you.

Quite the busy summer in terms of the sports world. The World Cup was all-encompassing and long, and it seems far too early to be worrying about another soccer season, but the time is near. My close personal friend Bret Hart is participating in the main event of Summer Slam, UFC has been awesome lately, and NFL is right around the corner. However the EPL season is about to start. I really enjoyed last year’s preview, and I feel like its my constitutional duty to do another one for 2010-2011. Last year I had some highs (predicted Chelsea-Man U at 1,2, saw good things for Everton, disaster for Portsmouth and Hull) and some lows (good call on Liverpool in the Top 3 and West Ham in the top 10). I’ve been consulting the constellations and my magic 8 ball and feel as confident as ever this quiet August night.

The transfer market has been about as exciting as The Outsiders Edge this Summer. Namely, nothing of interest has taken place (Manchester City spending like drunken rednecks who just won the lottery has gotten old fast). However, I would like all of you to check out my recent interview with Baltimore writing legend John Eisenberg. We had a grand discussion about his trip to the 2010 World Cup, the NASL, Texas high school football, and so much more. It was a great show and I encourage, no beg all of you to listen to it.  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/elevationradio/2010/07/15/elevation-radio-with-john-eisenberg

You should also hear the World Cup preview I did with my pal Johnny Moorhead, where I made a complete and utter dumbass of myself. Good job by me. Still waiting for Mexico to make the semifinals. Good times. Johnny is the kicker for the George Mason football team and really, really loves all things New Zealand. I think he may have had a sexual encounter with Karl Urban at some point. (Just Google it if you don’t know who that is)

Without further ado, lets get on with the preview before I get even more angry and go drive my car into the side of a Mexican restaurant.

Outfield Player of the year: Ryan Giggs

Manager of the year: Owen Coyle

First manager sacked: Chris Hughton

All XI:    Paul Robinson, Ashley Cole, Ryan Nelsen, Gary Cahill, Kolo Toure, Ryan Giggs, Frank Lampard,  Steve Gerrard, Cesc Fabergas, Wayne Rooney, Didier Drogba

Champion’s League winner: Real Madrid

World Player of the Year: Christiano Ronaldo

20- Blackpool

Poor Blackpool. They are going to be one of the worst EPL sides of all time. Lets face it, since the table is organized by alphabetical order before the season begins Blackpool is able to benefit from the B in their name. They are currently in 5th, and that is the highest they will go all season. Charlie Adam can score a goal or two, but this team is so bad winning the Trebble for Blackpool means they were able to get 3 wins all season. Ian Halloway is an exciting manager, but he still falls in comparison to Blackpool’s most famous resident Mr. William Regal. The Tangerines are going to get juiced. Just be happy with the pay day and enjoy the games against teams like Man U and Chelsea. Blackpool would be lucky to survive relegation in the MLS.)

(Elevation Note- Blackpool promptly went out and stomped Wigan in their first game 4-0 today. How is it possible I look like a moron before I even published the article?)

19- WBA

West Brom are the second member of the “great season if we don’t finish last club.” WBA have a few notable team members including English international Scott Carson. I can’t even say Carson played enough with England to have a cup of coffee. He actually just licked the coffee filter a few times. For some reason Carson started the 2008 qualifying match against Croatia that knocked England out of contention for a spot in the Euros that season. He had a complete howler against Spurs favorite Niko Kranjcar. The only other WBA players of any note are veteran Irish international Steven Reid and New Zealand’s Chris Wood. If your three best players are Scott Carson, veteran Irish international Steven Reid, and New Zealand’s Chris Wood, you’re going to get demoted. The Throstles will get throttled.

18- Newcastle

Drink up Newcastle fans, its going to be a long season. Yes, I believe all 3 of the promoted Championship teams from 2009-2010 will get demoted back to the Championship. I think it will be a positive experience for all three. At least none of the three will experience financial death by strangulation like Portsmouth FC. Portsmouth actually had the gall to go on a Summer tour of the states back in July. I imagine the marketing campaign of “come see the worst financial calamity in the history of professional sports” yielded great ticket sales. But I digress, the addition Sol “I’ve got Soul but I’m not a Soldier” Campbell will not be enough for Newcastle to avoid demotion. Maybe they can get Nicky Butt to un-retire so we can see a reunion of the 2002 England World Cup team that the world has been clamoring for.

17- Wolves

I love me some Big Mick McCarthy. I believe the last Irish World Cup manager will squeeze enough blood from the rock to allow the Wolf Pack to continue to hunt in the EPL in 2011-2012. I enjoy telling tall tales and fables about Big Mick McCarthy. The man went eye to eye and survived a war with Roy Keane. You really think he’ll allow a Newcastle, Blackpool, or WBA to finish higher than Wolves? He is kind of like the angry English cousin of Roger Sterling from Mad Men. I can only imagine the tales those two would share together. My respect for Big Mick McCarthy grew over the World Cup. He was a guest contributor for The Guardian’s World Cup coverage and actually named Matthew Upson to his all XI for the first round of the World Cup. If that isn’t the sign of a man who was drunk for the entire month of June, I don’t know what one is. I like Wolves alot because they are heavy on the Irishman. Kevin Doyle, Andy Keough, Stephen Ward, Stephen Hunt, The Edge, and Kevin Foley are all on the squad among others. I enjoy the first name repetition. Kevin Doyle is actually a hell of a striker. They also have American GK Marcus Hahnemann. He made the trip to South African and played as many games as I did.

16- Wigan Athletic

Wigan Athletic are a hearty little squad that has been able to stick around the EPL by a shoestring since 2005. Roberto Martinez is another manager I really like. He did a great job with Swansea and I really enjoyed his analysis as a member of the 2010 ESPN crew. He did a great job of flying above the bluster of Alexi Lalas and Steve McManaman and the complete ambivalence of Ruud Gullit. I like their team. Paraguayan defending midfielder Antolin Alcaraz  was a handy little signing. He scored a beautiful goal in the World Cup. He joins Wigan’s talented South American contingent that includes Mauro Boselli and Hugo Rodallega. They could probably use 2 or 3 more players to cement their EPLness.

15- West Ham

West Ham were really quite terrible last season. This is the second EPL preview in a row where I completely forgot to include West Ham in my prior list. What can you say about West Ham? They are just a feeder system for the bigger EPL squads. The likes of Rio Ferdinand, Frank Lampard, and Jermaine Defoe have all passed through Upton Park on their way to bigger and better things. The Hammer Academy is always impressive and thriving, but the actual team completely underacheived last year. They have a few notable players including English internationals Matthew Upson, Scott Parker, Carlton Cole, and most famously Rob Green. Rob Green is a great man. He was one of the best players for Team USA in the 2010 World Cup. His disastrous howler led to England’s eventual self destruction and crisis. Hopefully his American teammate Jonathan Spector shares America’s gratitude to Rob Green every single day in the training ground. The Hammers are managed by the Jewish Sven, Avram Grant. I believe this quote from 2008 from current Hammer and fellow Israeli Tal Ben Haim about a previous encounter between Grant and Haim tell you everything you need to know about West Ham’s prospects in 2010:

If I knew Avram Grant was going to be the coach I would have signed for another club. It was Jose who brought me here and no one except he and I know the conversation we had when he tried to sign me the first time a year ago last January. The fact is while Jose was the coach I played most of the games and people who know me know that I would not have come here to be a reserve. I knew nothing good would come for me with Grant as Chelsea coach.”

14- Birmingham City FC

BCFC were able to survive their promotion last season thanks to a rock solid defense and sturdy home record. They really overachieved and defended their way into a 9th place finish. I just think losing the great young Joe Hart at goalkeeper was a huge loss. Man City ended his loan and recalled him to be a part of their 45,874 man squad. They picked up Ben Foster from Man U to replace Hart. I was not overly impressed with Foster’s Man U efforts and have no idea why he keeps getting recalled to the English squad. As President of the American-Irish soccer appreciation society I should also add that BCFC are captained by Stephen Carr. He is the 47th Irishman named Stephen we have mentioned in this preview, and there are still 14 teams left. Lets keep hope alive. BCFC are still decent and will be very tough at home. I just think they lost a little too much this offseason to finish in the top 10 again.

13- Stoke City FC

Stoke fans are stoked for this season. Teams better not play physical against Stoke, or Ryan Shawcross will truck them and potentially end their career. Getting Trinidadian forward Kenwyne Jones was a big addition for Tony Pullis’s side. They need goals and he can help create and score them. I was reading a bit about Stoke and found out they had a player named Sir Stanley Matthews. He was an active player until he was 50 years old. He even played a competitive game at age 70 for Hibernian. Apparently he was childhood friends with Gandalf from Lord of the Rings. He can be viewed as a contemporary to David Beckham who will be 65 years old when he suits up for the Galaxy this Autumn.

12- Sunderland

Sunderland were a bit of a disappointment for me last season. I predicted them to be a team that surprised people. They were doing swimmingly until the beach ball goal last season. I think it was fate. You should all watch this clip of Darren Bent’s goal. The announcers are so ridiculuously in the tank for Sunderland that they completely discount the fact that the soccer ball  HIT A FREAKING BEACH BALL before it went into the net. Sunderland have some good players. Lee Cattermole is a nice defending midfielder. Darren Bent is a top 5 EPL striker. All he does is score goals. Fabio Capello was absolutely moronic to leave him home in favor of Emile Heskey for the World Cup. Emile Heskey is one of the worst soccer players on the planet. He has less scoring prowess than a Special Olympian. I think Danny Welbeck, who is on loan to Sunderland from Man U will be a nice player for them. He looked in fine form during Man United’s summer tour of the states, he just can’t break the deep Man U roster.

11- Fulham

2009-2010 was a great season for Fulham that featured a 9th place EPL finish and a run to the finals of the Europa League. Unfortunately for Fulham, 2010-2011 has to happen. Fulham lost their fantastic manager Roy Hodgson to Liverpool over the Summer. He was replaced by extraordinarily average Mark Hughes who had a gift for snatching draws from the jaws of victory before getting sacked at Man City last season. Fulham have done nothing of note in the transfer market and are expected by most to lose their goalie, the great Australian Mark Schwarzer. That will leave a gaping hole in the back. Fulham will rely heavily on the offensive stylings of English forward Bobby Zamora and American midfielder Clint Dempsey. I like Dempsey but he occasionally has a tendency to fall into lapses where you aren’t completely sure whether he is still a member of the living. I do expect him to have monster games against West Ham this season. Due to the World Cup, he now owns Rob Green so much, he has the right to make Green change his name to Toby.

10- Aston Villa

Aston Villa is in a very similar state of franchise as Fulham. Both are upper mid level clubs that are stuck in place and trying to recover from managerial departures. Fortunately, Fulham had enough of an opportunity to get Mark Hughes as a decent replacement to Roy Hodgson. Aston Villa had no such luck and are stuck in a terrible position after their previous manager Martin O’Neill decided to take his ball and go home 5 days before the seasons. Reports say he was dissatisfied with ownership’s commitment to selling  off Aston Villa’s good players and cutting payroll. Hard to believe that a soccer team owned by the Cleveland Browns ownership group would ever find themselves in a state of crisis. I expect James Milner will be leaving shortly, but Villa do still have a good amount of notable talent in Ashley Young, Gabriel Agbonlahor, Brad Friedel, John Carew, Richard Dunne and Stephen Warnock. (Could I be anymore of an Anglo-Saxon shill?) Young and Agbonlahor should have been on the English national team. They would have brought a bit of pace to the proceedings. Villa will be decent, but I don’t think they have the depth to stick around the top of the table for a 38 week season. Aston Villa also have Emile Heskey. He is the worst soccer player on the entire planet. I have nothing else to say about him. He has the pace of a triceratops trapped in the La Brea Tar Pit.

We’ve come quite a long way with the preview. How about a quick musical interlude to allow you to do a bit of a stretch and to grab a cold one from the fridge.

9- Bolton

And we’re back! I think big things are in store for Bolton. Owen Coyle is one of the best manager’s in football. Bolton were very lucky to poach him from Burnley last season. He was doing great things for Burnley, but felt a calling to the Reebok. They made one of the best transfer season moves of the summer by getting Bulgarian midfielder Martin Petrov on a free. Petrov was a very useful player for Man City, but just could not find the pitch enough. I think he will fit in wonderfully for Bolton. They also have several other players I enjoy. Stuart Holden is a great American midfielder. I think he will do good things for Bolton once he recovers from injury and adjusts his game from the MLS to the EPL. Gary Cahill is a great, versatile defender who deserves a shout with the English national team. Lord knows England needs help in the back with the virtual disintegration of John Terry and the continued injury woes of Rio Ferdinand. A Michael Dawson-Gary Cahill duo could be in the future for England. Kevin Davies is one of my favorite strikers in English football. He is an institution at Bolton and well worth a pick up for your fantasy squads. I think all signs point to a great season for Bolton unless Coyle’s Burnley ghosts intervene and the team bus runs over a land mine or something.

8-Blackburn

I believe Blackburn are the team to reach up and grab the Birmingham City mantle of “team that overachieves due to a staunch backline and great goalkeeping.”  His international adventures aside, Paul Robinson is a fantastic domestic goal keeper who was one of the best in the position during the 2009-2010 season. I think the combination of Robinson and a staunch defensive back line led by New Zealand homeboy Ryan Nelsen and the likes of Samba, Gillet, and Salgado will make Blackburn a very difficult side to steal 3 points from. Sam Allardyce is another one of the managers who knows what the hell they are doing. I doubt this Rovers side will bring back memories of Kenny Dalglish and the magical 1994-1995 squad. Shearer and Sutton aren’t walking through that door, but I think this team will defend its way to a top 8 finish.

(I just gave them the kiss of death.)

7- Everton

7 and above is where things reach the coin flip territory. These teams are all strong. They all have weaknesses. It will be a crapshoot.

I’m going to go with Everton to finish 7th. I love their squad. Tim Howard, Jack Rodwell, Stephen Piennar, the soccer ninja Tim Cahill, Saha, Artetta, Baines, Neville, Jagielka, etc. David Moyes is a tremendous manager. However, this team has had too many horrific starts, and terrible injury spells to make a serious top 4 run in recent years. They were fantastic in the second half of 2009/2010 but injuries and a slow start led them too far off the pace. They are healthy right now, but I think the bug will hit them and they won’t have the depth to overcome those issues like the Top 6 will. Much in the vain of Martin Petrov, I believe Jermaine Beckford was a great addition to Everton and will bring scoring up top. He will at least be better than Yakubu.

6- Liverpool

I think this will be another transition year for Liverpool. They are kind of caught in a spin cycle until something can be done about their ownership situation. Hicks and Gillette have been disastrous as owners. I’m just worried about what happens if they get sold to some nameless, faceless international mystery man or corporation. Things could turn out well for them like Man City who hit the jackpot or apocalyptic like Portsmouth who are probably going to be a distant memory in 2 years.I like the addition of Hodgson as manager. I think the team needs a few impact players. Retaining Torres was huge, if he can stay fit. Gerrard will always be Gerrard. I think Kuyt and Macherano will be out the door at some point. Maxi Rodriguez needs to follow them. Pepe Reina is a good goalie, assuming he sobers up following his World Cup high. Liverpool has made some nice acquistions this Summer including Milan Jovanovic, Christian Poulsen and Joe “Lionel Messi” Cole. I think some slight improvement this year, and then a new owner will come and break the bank open.  Cheer up Liverpool, at least Macca still sounds good!

5- Arsenal

Arsenal are a giant team with, with a small team mentality. They are talented and play entertaining soccer, but they tend to guard their wallet as though spending a large amount of money for an impact, good player will spell doom for the entire rest of the world. It was a victory for the Arsenal when they were able to fend off Barcelona’s attempts to basically adopt Cesc Fabergas this offseason. Barcelona engaged in the definition of tampering. For a team that has to take out loans to pay its staff, and already have a loaded midfield, Barcelona were just ridiculous in their behavior. Grow up. If Aresenal has a weakness, it is basically their defense. They need a central defender. And they really, really need a goalie. Manuel Almunia moves in the net about as well as someone named Manuel Aluminum. They have some nice up and coming talent in Jack Wilshire, Kieran Gibbs, and Samir Nasri. Thier placement in the table will be heavily dependent on the health of Robin van Persie, which if you know a bit about the Notorious RVP is never a certain thing.

4- Tottenham

Come on you Spurs! They are my favorite squad. However, I sadly believe that Robbie Keane’s last days are at hand in White Hart Lane. He is the captain of the Irish team, so you just know I have a man crush on him. I think Tottenham will advance to the group stage of the Champions League. They have a first round matchup against a team called the BSC Young Boys. They are based out of Bern. I believe they are managed by Gary Glitter. Making the Champions league group stage will be a big deal for Tottenham. They probably need 2 or 3 more players, but I think they have the depth to do well in the EPL and the Champions League. Ledley King and Michael Dawson from a strong defensive pairing in the middle. Guys like Aaron Lennon, Luka Modric, Gio dos Santos, and Niko Kranjcar can create chaos in the open field. Gomes was one of the best keepers in the EPL last season. Guys like Jermaine Defoe, Peter Crouch, Roman Pavlyuchenko, and hopefully either Craig Bentley or Robbie Keane form the best Strikeforce since Santana and Martel. I’m hopelessly biased, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. Also keep an eye on 20 year old Danny Rose who scored an absolute firecracker of a goal in his only game last season. I expect great things for him in the future domestically and for England. The team is set. Redknapp is back at manager. Hopefully this team of stars has the same chemistry as the cast of The Expendables. Oh my God, how freaking awesome does that movie look? I love me some Sly Stallone, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Dolph Lundgren, and Mickey Rourke among others.

3-Manchester City

Gordan Gekko on Manchester City’s recent transfer market habits:

What can you say about Man City? They are just a walking All Star team up and down their entire roster. From Given and Hart in net to the Nigel de Jong to the Brothers Toure to Adam Johnson to Carlos Tevez to Gareth Barry to Adebayor to Balotelli to Jerome Boateng and David Silva. They are so stacked. They also have way too many players. Teams like Blackburn, Sunderland, Tottenham, Bolton etc. will benefit when the likes of Stephen Ireland, Joeleon Lescott, Roque Santa Cruz, Wayne Bridge, etc. all get dispersed to other teams. EPL teams can only carry 25 men on their active roster, and Man City have nearly half that. Administrative issues aside, they are loaded and I think they will continue to gel nicely as the season roars on. Roberto Mancini will be under a great deal of pressure to get this team moving int he right direction. He might get sacked, but I think their talent will rise and they will be playing Champions league football in 2011-2012.

I had the opportunity to attend a friendly exhibition between Man City- and Inter in Baltimore back in July. It was a fun experience among a small crowd in M&T Bank Stadium. The pre game tailgate with my pals Johnny and Wank was fun after Wank and I walked the entire circumfrence of the stadium trying to find the right parking lot. I recently purchased an Irish National Team goalkeeper’s range. I brought it with me because Shay Given was playing for Man City and how often is the Irish goalkeeper going to be playing a game an hour away from my house? However, it was also quite warm and humid so I never actually wore the jersey. I just carried it the whole time and wore my cut off sleeve shirt the entire time. I felt a bit like Larry the Cable Guy. Man City weren’t quite able to Git ‘er done and got stomped 3-0. They played most of the game with 10 men after Viera was sent off. It was more an acrimony than a friendly. Most of the guys in for Man City like Ireland and SWP will probably get loaned or sold off anyway, so you couldn’t get a real sense of the club. Like usual Joeleon Lescott played like hell. Everton should get arrested for highway robbery because of that deal. My God they owned Man City there.

2-Chelsea

This was the toughest call for me. Chelsea are the defending champions by 1 point from 2009-2010. They return most of their major stars. Joe Cole, Ballack, Deco, and Carvalho are all gone. I think they can live without most of those guys except for Carvalho. Alex and John Terry ahve to step up their play for 2010-2011. This has just been a horrible summer for JT. Starting with the sex scandal involing Wayne Bridge, the failed World Cup mutiny against Fabio Capello, and his overall poor play. I don’t know if he has lost a step or his head is in the gutter, but me must snap out of it. However, I tend to think he is one of the most oblivious individuals in the history of the world, so good luck with that. Otherwise they are still deep. Drogba will be Drogba. Frank Lampard always dominates in the EPL. The return of Essien will be huge. Ashley Cole seems to be sticking around. He is the best English player in the entire world. Petr Cech wears a neat hat. Its going to be a very close race again, but I think Chelsea will overcome their age issues to finish near the very top of the table again. I just think they will get nipped by Man U.

1- Manchester United

The Red Devils are going back to the top of the mountain in 2010-2011. People like to make hay over how old the likes of Ryan Giggs, Edwin Van der Sar, Gary Neville, and Paul Scholes are but they can still play a great game of soccer. I think Wayne Rooney will bounce back from his summer of discontent. Unlike Capello, Alex Ferguson knows how to put The Roon in positions where he can succeed and put the ball in the back of the net. Javier Hernandez was a great signing and I think he and Macheda will play a big role up top for Man U this season. If they can get 7 or  goals out of those two kids it will be golden. Rio Ferdinand is always injured, but Johnny Evans is a very capable backup. I watched quite a few of Man U’s summer games in the United States and Ryan Giggs was awesome. He hasn’t slowed down at all and still places a pass better than anyone in world football. They have the best football manager in the world. The team is relatively healthy and may ever snag a Mezut Ozil or someone like that before the transfer window is closed. However, I think the team is still loaded, deep, and ready to take names this season.

2010-2011 will bring Red Dead Redemption to Old Trafford.

~ by lordelevation on August 15, 2010.

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Tags: 2010 EPL, Alex Ferguson, Aresenal, Blackburn, Blackpool, Cesc Fabergas, Christiano Ronaldo without shirt, England National Football team, Fabio Capello England, Javier Hernandez, Manchester City, Paul Robinson, Red Dead Redemption, Roger Sterling, Ryan Giggs, Steve Austin, Tottenham Hotspur, Wayne Rooney, Wolves